Woodland's Wicked Parody!
by woodland59
Summary: Elphaba sings from every musical but her own, Glinda is whiny and annoying, Nessarose thinks she's Snow White, and Fiyero is the only one that likes green vegetables! Boq is desperately in love with the color pink, the Wizard is…what! -gasp- COOL! Madame Morrible is…Madame Morrible, and everybody else is…confused. Hope you enjoy! 2nd place for Best Parody in the 2014 Greg Awards!
1. Chapter 1: No One Mourns the Wicked

Chaper 1: No One Mourns the Wicked

"AHHHH AHHH AHHHH!" screamed the crowd. "AHHHHH AHHHH AHHHH!"

"What are you all screaming at?" Glinda came down from the sky in what was TOTALLY a bubble.

"It was a mouse! A mouse!" cried a man in the crowd, tears pouring from his eyes.

"Well, I've had enough of your cowardness! I've already had a terrible enough day! I don't need you ruining it more for me!" Glinda cried, tossing her hair.

"I mean, this thing doesn't even LOOK like a bubble! And where are the little bubbles floating around me?! I NEED MY LITTLE BUBBLES!"

Almost at once, the bubble machines turned on, and Glinda screamed at the top of her lungs. "BUBBLE IN MY EYES, BUBBLE IN MY EYES!" She accidentally swallowed one and screamed louder. "BUBBLES IN MY MOUTH, BUBBLES IN MY MOUTH!"

Desperately trying to rid herself of the bubbles, she accidentally fell from the "bubble" and collapsed on the ground.

The crowd cheered. "Good news! She's dead! Glinda is dead! The whiniest witch there ever was, the source of all headaches here in Oz is dead! Good news! Good…" Their voices died as Glinda suddenly leapt to her feet.

"I'm okay!" The crowd just stared. A few of the women began to cry and one man ran off stage.

"Um, so, wait, like, where were we? OH! Fellow Ozians—Let us be GLAAAAAAAADDDDDD!" she screamed at the high notes. "Let us be GRATEFULLLLLLL! Let us rejoicify—"

Then, somebody cut her off. "No one mourns the Wicked!"

"Yeah!" everybody sang, grateful to not hear anymore of Glinda's awful singing.

Glinda blinked. "I wasn't finished yet."

"NO ONE CRIES "THEY WON'T RETURN!" they sang so they didn't have to hear her.

"But—"

"NO ONE LAYS A LILY ON THEIR GRAVE!"

"HEY!" screamed Glinda at the top of her lungs.

Everybody stared, as her eyes burned and blazed at them. "Nobody…cuts me off…"

Everybody was silent. Then, Glinda started sweetly, "I'm now going to tell you a story that won't even change your opinion about the witch even though it's an extremely heartbreaking story!"

"Yay!" Everyone cheered.

"Okay, so there was this lady who had a really ugly husband…"

As Frex and Melena appeared on stage, Frex yelled, "HEY!"

"NOBODY…INTERRUPTS…GLINDA THE GOOD!" Glinda yelled at the top of her lungs.

Frex shut up.

"So, he was like, so ugly, that like…umm…_had a sleepover_ with this random dude who she was never gonna see again, but probably should have stuck with for reasons you'll know later."

Random Dude (lover) came into the room and started dancing with Melena.

"HEY! FREX, WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING ON STAGE?!" screamed Glinda.

Frex screamed and ran off stage.

"Okay, I'm going to interrupt you briefly to announce this. There's the good me, the bad me, and the ugly me. Which would you prefer to see?" Glinda said, staring at the audience.

"_Is_ there a good side?" one woman called out timidly.

Glinda shot a hurricane of rainbows and unicorns from her wand and the lady collapsed on the ground. Everyone ran over to see if she was all right. She looked dazed, then got back to her feet. "Pink, fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows!" sang the lady, over and over again.

"Noooo! Make it stop!" everyone was so tired of the annoying song on YouTube.

"Only if you do not test my patience! Promise to love me, fear, me, obey me!" Glinda cackled.

"Hey! Labyrinth! I love that movie!" called out an Ozian. Everyone glared down at him, and he walked off stage.

"PROMISE ME!" Glinda screamed.

"We promise, Your Goodness…" they mumbled.

"Okay! Back to the story!"

"So, anyways, after their sleepover…" Glinda waited until the Wizard waltzed off stage.

"Melena got preggers, so she was having her baby…" Glinda paused, waiting for Melena's scream. Glinda coughed. "_So she having her baby…_"

Glinda narrowed her eyes and walked forward to Melena, who had her iPhone out and was playing the Kim Kardashian game.

Glinda screamed at the top of her lungs and threw the phone across the stage. There was sickening crack as it hit the wall. Glinda turned to her with a smile. "Ready?"

"Ready," Melena said weakly. Glinda walked back to her place, and Melena screamed at the top of her lungs.

"It's coming!" the Midwife ran on stage.

"The baby's coming!"

"And how!" Frex appeared.

"I see a nose…"

"I see a curl…"

"It's a healthy, perfect, lovely, little…"

Frex let out a high-pitched scream at the top of his lungs.

"What is it? What's wrong?" asked Melena worriedly.

"IT LOOKS LIKE A VEGETABLE! AN ICKY, GREEN VEGETABLE! EWWWWW, VEGETABLES!" Frex screamed and ran off stage.

"So you see, it couldn't have been easy," Glinda said, and everyone began to sing.

"NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED! NOW AT LAST SHE'S DEAD AND GONE! NOW AT LAST THERE'S JOY THROUGHOUT THE LAND! AND GOODNESS KNOWS!"

Glinda screamed out one of her high notes again. "GOODNESS KNOWS!"

But luckily, the chorus members had their earplugs in. "WE KNOW WHAT GOONESS IS! GOODNESS KNOWS, THE WICKED DIE ALONE!"

"SHE DIED ALONE!" Glinda screamed.

"WOE TO THOSE, WOE TO THOSE, WHO SPURN WHAT GOODNESS IS, THEY ARE SHOWN…! NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!"

"GOOD NEWS!"

"NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!"

"GOOD NEWS!"

"NO ONE MOURNS…THE…WICKED…WICKED…WICKED…!"

And suddenly, the whole set crashed upon the entire cast.

**A/N: So I know there's been other parodies…but this is MY parody. ;) Get what I mean?**

**Get it? Got it? Good!**

**Don't own any of these things: Wicked, Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing on Rainbows, or Labyrinth.**

**~Madison**


	2. Chapter 2: Dear Old Ashbashba

Chapter 2: Dear Old Ashbashba

Everyone groaned as they climbed out from under the set. The Flying Monkeys quickly fixed it all up and the show was running again.

"Okay, who has the next line?" Glinda asked.

Everyone looked at one another, before somebody called out, "It's your line, Glinda!"

"Oh! Um…The sky's falling, so it looks like I've gotta go! Ta-ta!" Glinda said, still a little delusional from the set falling on her.

"But Glinda, is it true you were besties with the witch?" yelled a guy. Everybody screamed and started attacking him before stopping and looking up at Glinda.

"Um, well, like, sort of…I mean, I HATE vegetables," Glinda lied nervously. "Icky. Green stuff. But I knew her…at Dear Old…Ashbashba." She was still a little loco in the coco.

The Ashbashba students appeared, and Elphaba ran out.

Everyone began singing Dear Old Ashbashba, except Elphaba.

"O hallowed halls and vine-draped walls—" sang the students.

"The proudliest sight there is! When grey and sered, our hair half-turned—We shall still revere lessons learned, in our days at Dear Old Ashbashba…Our days at dear old…"

GAlinda entered, screaming at the top of her lungs. "AHHHH!" She was still wearing her tiara and wore her white jacket over her blue ballgown.

"Dear Old Ashbashba!"

Elphaba stared at everyone. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!" she screamed in Boq's face, and Boq whimpered and hid behind GAlinda's pile of luggage.

"Yeah, hey, guess what?! I don't like vegetables either! I didn't ASK to be born like this! Why you bein' so mean to me?!" Then she promptly burst into tears.

Frex came in, wheeling Nessa. The minute he saw Elphaba, he screamed, threw a pair of jeweled shoes at Nessa before leaving the scene. Elphaba continued to cry.

At that moment, Madame Morrible waltzed into the room. "Hello, my dearies! Welcome to Ashbashba! I am Madame Morrible, Head AshbashbaTress at Ashbashba University! You must be the governor's daughter…what a tragically beautiful face you have." She looked at Nessarose.

Nessarose spoke in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. "Oh, thank you, Madame Morrible! It is truly a delight to meet you!"

Everybody winced and covered their ears. Madame Morrible gasped at Elphaba. "Eww! I hate vegetables!" Elphaba continued to sob.

GAlinda walked up to Madame Morrible. "Heyzles! I'm, like, GAlinda, and I totes luuuurrrrrvvvvveeee your wig. And where'd you get your make-up done?"

"Enough. What do you want?"

"I want to be in your sorcery seminar."

Madame Morrible blinked. "…No."

"Aww, pretty please!"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top!"

"No."

"PRETTY PLEASE with a cherry AND SPRINKLES on top?!"

"No."

"PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE WITH ANYTHING YOU WANT ON TOP?!"

"Well, when you put it that way…no."

GAlinda collapsed on the ground and screamed at the top of her lungs.

This startled Elphaba so much that magic burst into the air and Nessarose, who had been playing with flowers, was skyrocketing into the air.

Everyone cheered, but then…

**A/N: Whoa, who knew a parody could Cliffies? Whatevs. Oh, gosh, now I sound like GAlinda. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

**~Madison**


	3. Chapter 3: Wizard and I Dreamed a Dream

Chapter 3: The Wizard and I Dreamed a Dream

…she fell and landed in Boq's arms. "Oh, my prince charming!" she squealed, and wrapped her arms around Boq's neck. Boq just threw her to the ground. "I LOVE YOU!" Nessarose screamed.

Elphaba grudgingly went over and picked her sister up before putting her in the wheelchair. "Oh, thank you, Elphaba!" Nessa squealed.

"Yeah, yeah," Elphaba muttered.

Morrible was staring at Elphaba. "You have power. I want to control…um, I mean tutor you. Privately," she said, quickly glancing at GAlinda.

"Why should I?" Elphaba asked, bored.

"Because you could work for the Wizard some day."

"REALLY?! OMIOZ, HE'S SO COOL!" Elphaba screamed. "I'LL SO LEARN MAGIC!

"Yes!" Morrible said. "Now, Shiz students, let us go to our rooms. Oh, and Elphaba, you'll be rooming with GAlinda."

"WHAT?!" GAlinda screamed, and then she fainted. Nobody picked her up.

Elphaba stared ahead dreamily.

"There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft

And their voices inviting

There was time when love was blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time

Then it all went wrong."

"Umm, wrong song!" the collapsed GAlinda hissed. Elphaba ignored her and continued.

"I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high

And live worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving."

"How does this even fit in with the plot?!" GAlinda was on her feet now.

"Then I was young and unafraid

So dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung

No wine untasted."

"Hello?!" GAlinda tapped Elphaba, who just stuck her arms out as she passionately sang the song. GAlinda squeaked as she fell to the floor at the force of her arms.

"But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

And turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my days with endless wonder

He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather."

"Who are you even talking about?!" GAlinda asked from her position on the ground.

"I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed

The dream I dreamed."

Elphaba smiled. "Oooh, killed it!" Then, she looked at GAlinda on the ground next to her. "How'd you get there?"


	4. Chapter 4: What is This Take or Leave Me

**A/N: Just a quick update! Today is my B-day/one-year anniversary on FF! Eeep! 14 years old! Here's the chapter!**

Chapter 4: What is This-Take Me Or Leave Me

GAlinda walked over to her side of the stage and pulled out a piece of paper before clearing her throat and saying, "Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsicle…"

Elphaba, meanwhile, walked towards the orchestra and handed them a piece of paper. The conductor nodded, taking it and a new song began to play.

Elphaba opened her mouth and began to sing.

"Every single day

I walk down the street

I hear people say

"Baby" so sweet

Ever since puberty

Everybody stares at me

Boys, girls

I can't help it baby

So be kind

And don't lose your mind

Just remember

That I'm your baby,"

She began walking over to GAlinda, still singing.

"Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be

And if you give a damn

Take me baby or leave me

Take me baby or leave me

A tiger in a cage

Can never see the sun

But this diva needs her stage

Baby, let's have fun!

You are the one I choose

Folks would kill to fill your shoes

You love the limelight too, now baby

So be mine

And don't waste my time

Cryin', "Oh Honeybear

Are you still my, my, my baby?"

GAlinda just stared blankly, and Elphaba continued to dance around her.

"Take me for what I am

Who I was meant to be

And if you give a damn

Take me baby or leave me

No way, can I be what I'm not

But hey, don't you want your girl hot?

Don't fight, don't lose your head

Cause every night, who's in your bed?

Who, who's in your bed?

Kiss, pookie."

She got down on her knees and GAlinda glared. "You're not following the script!" GAlinda hissed.

"Who cares?" Elphaba hissed back.

GAlinda cleared her throat and began to sing.

"What is this feeling…?"

But Elphaba drowned her out by belting out.

"THAT'S IT! THE STRAW THAT BREAKS MY BACK

I QUIT, UNLESS YOU TAKE IT BACK

WOMEN, WHAT IS IT ABOUT THEM?

CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM OR WITHOUT THEM!"

GAlinda attempted to belt, but was drowned out. She sighed before going backstage to get at least five microphones and using her high soprano.

In the end, the two of them together ended up sounding something like this:

"TAKE ME FOR WHAT I AM/THERE'S A STRANGE EXHILARATION,

WHO I WAS MEANT TO BE/

AND IF YOU GIVE A DAMN YOU BETTER/IN SUCH TOTAL DETESTATION,

OH TAKE ME BABY, TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME/IT'S SO PURE, SO STRONG!

TAKE ME BABY/THOUGH I DO ADMIT, IT CAME ON FAST, STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST!

OR LEAVE ME/AND I WILL BE LOATHING FOR FOREVER,

GUESS I'M LEAVING/LOATHING, TRULY DEEPLY

I'M GONE!/LOATHING YOU,"

At this point, Elphaba walked off the stage. GAlinda screamed, "HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE!"

"THE SONG'S OVER!" Elphaba hollered back.

"NO, IT'S NOT!" To prove her point, GAlinda continued to sing, even though there was no orchestra to back her up.

"MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!"

Once GAlinda realized it was hopless, she screamed at the top of her lungs before banging her fists on the stage.

**A/N: Yeah…I'm gonna put this rating up at T…**

**~Madison**


End file.
